The Tao of Beans

Tao
Pronunciation: \ˈdau̇, ˈtau̇\
Function: noun
Etymology: Chinese (Beijing) dào, literally, way
Date: 1736

1 a : the unconditional and unknowable source and guiding principle of all reality as conceived by Taoists b : the process of nature by which all things change and which is to be followed for a life of harmony
2 often not capitalized : the path of virtuous conduct as conceived by Confucians
3 often not capitalized : the art or skill of doing something in harmony with the essential nature of the thing—Merriam Webster

Something else I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is expectation. As a person, I’m sort of conflicted about expectation, as I once had a friend long ago who told me, “If you have no expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.”

As I roll that thought around inside my head, I see truth in it, but it can also be interpreted in an incredibly negative light. Expectation is what drives many of us to do the things that matter to us, but when they don’t turn out the way we hope, we wind up disappointed.

So, then I started thinking, what if instead of expectation, I turned to motivation. I would still be driven to do the things that mattered to me, but without the risk of disappointment. In essence, I think I really need to start doing things because I love and want to, not because I expect an outcome.

Too many times, I start to tackle a creative project with gusto. My heart and soul is behind the idea, and I know as I’m writing it, it’s a really good idea. That sense of excitement is what motivates and drives me to continue on with it, but the minute I start to have expectations about the future of the project, no matter what they are, I find myself fizzling out. The passion turns to expectation and want, and the overall excitement I felt in the begin wanes.

I don’t know where expectation comes from. I’m sure if I sat down for like ten minutes and thought about it, I could figure out the first instance of expectation. Maybe it was from my infancy, when my cries were answered with food or comfort. I learned then that if I cried, the big people would come and see to my needs, eventually coming to expect them to. Maybe that’s why parenting experts tell you to let your children cry sometimes… so they can learn that their expectations won’t always be met.

No matter what we learn as children, we still grow up with expectations. They tell us, “If you go to college, you’ll get a good job,” or “If you go to work, you can pay your bills.” So we expect results from the actions we perform.

But there comes a time when we have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves when the results we expect don’t magically happen. And in that lies the lesson… at least for me anyway. I want to bypass the feeling sorry for myself part of it, which means maybe I need to cut out, or at least tone down my level of expectation. When I start to get excited about the potential of something, I need to step back and remember why I do what I do in the first place. It fulfills me on a spiritual level and makes me feel whole.

And you can wave your flag of survival around in my face all you want, saying, “We all deserve to get paid for the hard work we do,” but for me writing and creating is so much more than that. Yes, ultimately, I enjoy getting paid to put words on screen and paper. I like to eat dinner and most especially breakfast. I love to pay my rent, my cell phone bill, my web hosting bill, doctor bills, electricity, satellite television and be able to give my daughter an allowance, but as long as the expectation for payment dominates my state of mind, I know I will be disappointed.

That goes with the expectation for recognition and praise, as well. I need to create because I love to, and the rest should be a perk. That way, when things don’t go the way I hoped or wanted, I’m not disappointed because I had no expectations.

Josh Silver, wherever you are, thank you for sharing that wisdom with me… even if my eventual interpretation had nothing to do with why you said those words.