Mid-Week Game of Thrones Ramblings…(S01E08)

The quest for the iron throne continues in episode eight of HBO’s Game of Thrones, and this week all the shit that hit the fan in episode seven splattered all over the kingdom! It was a lot of shit, which means the clean up crew is gonna be massive… honestly, i just don’t know how they are going to wrap up this beautiful mess in just two more episodes! Damn you, HBO, and your short ten episode season!

As always, don’t forget, the Mid-week Game of Thrones Ramblings contain SPOILERS. That’s right, I’m going to spoil it for all you folks who got to Wednesday and still didn’t sit down to watch the most recent episode. If that’s you, stop reading or embrace the spoilery goodness to follow!

King’s Landing

Titled “The Pointy End,” it’s pretty obvious what this week’s episode is all about–sticking it to people… and I mean that in the least perverted way possible. There was really no sex in this episode, so get your mind outta the gutter people.

We begin with Arya Stark and her dancing instructor, Syrio Forell, practicing the sword dance with wooden blades. Syrio teaches Arya perhaps two of the most important lessons she will ever learn throughout the course of her life in this scene: 1. The eyes lie, and if you’re not careful they can deceive and kill you, and 2. You can put death off by simply telling it, “Not today!” When the Lannister guards come to take Arya into custody, she has no idea what’s happened in King’s Landing, espcially not that her father has been taken into custody for treason. Syrio refuses to let the guards take her, and when they challenge him, the Braavosi swordsman takes up his wooden sword to give Arya the chance she needs to escape. “What words to we have for Death?” He asks her, and Arya dutifully answers, “Not today, Death.” As she rushes off in tears, fearing not only for her own life, but the life of her teacher, she comes into the stables and finds her travel chest and all its contents spread over the stable floor. She digs through in search of the sword her brother Jon Snow gave her, and just as she grasps “Needle” by the hilt, the stableboy comes out and threatens to turn her over to the queen. Arya is faced with a tough decision, but when the boy advances to grab her, she makes the only choice: she sticks him with the pointy end and runs for her life!

Meanwhile, Sansa Stark is sitting in council with Queen Cersei and Maester Pycell. She wants to know what’s going to happen to her now that her father’s been named traitor, will she still be allowed to marry King Joffrey? The Maester says no, treachery is in the blood, and though she may be pious and gracious in her promises to be a good wife to Joffrey, one day she just may squat down and push out a litter of treacherous puppies to slice up her husband. Cersei tells her there is one way to make things right: Sansa must write a letter to brother and mother and ask them to come to King’s Landing and swear fealty to King Joffrey. And if they don’t heed her plea… well, it’s gonna mean bad things for Sansa’s traitor daddy.

And speaking of Daddy, Ned receives a visit from the treacherous spider, Varys, who brings him clean water to drink and a bit of fair council. Listen to the eunuch, and don’t be a fool, Ned–oop, too late.

Later Sansa attends council with the king to plead for mercy on her father’s behalf, but she doesn’t have much hope after watching Ser Baristan Selmy dismissed as Captain of the White Cloaks for being too old. Especially whens he notices Joffrey’s all too smug and pleased with himself for ruining an old man’s life. She begs him for mercy, saying, “If you ever had any affection for me…” but Joffrey promises mercy only if Ned Stark confesses to his crimes as a traitor. This cannot turn out well.

On the Wall

The men of the wall examine the strange bodies found beyond the wall after Jon Snow’s direwolf, Ghost, brought that creepy blue hand home last week. Samwell Tarly notices something peculiar right away: the corpses don’t smell, and he ties this to the strange passages about the Wight Walkers he read in Maester Aemon’s library. Commander Mormont praises Sam, saying, “You may be a coward, but you’re a clever coward.” Aww! Good for you, Sam!

Commander Mormont calls Jon Snow into his office to share the distressing news of his father’s treachery. Worried about his sisters in King’s Landing, he jumps up to storm out to the tune of the Old Bear singing, “Don’t do anything stupid, Snow!” Of course, that’s easier said than done when your just as full of pride and righteousness as your father. When Master of Arms, Ser Allister Thorne (who’s hated Jon Snow from day one,) starts taunting Jon with his father’s treachery, Jon pulls his sword on his sworn brother and threatens Thorne’s life. Commander Mormont sends Jon to his room without supper.

When Ghost starts pawing at Jon’s door late that night, the direwolf leads his master to Commander Mormont’s quarters, where they’re attacked by the walking dead guy they dragged home that morning. Jon burns down Mormont’s quarters, saving the commander and scarring his hand in the process, and for the moment his bad behavior with Thorne is forgiven and forgotten.

The Eyrie and The Vale

Catelyn confronts her sister Lysa when Lysa fails to mention she received a letter from King’s Landing about Ned being imprisoned. While Cat begs her sister to send the men of The Vale to help her free Ned, the creepy boy Robin keeps begging to feed from his mother’s breast. Lysa sends him off to his bath, and then tells her sister she’s crazy if she thinks for a single second she’ll give over her men to the mad quest to save Ned. Catelyn storms off and leaves the Eyrie.

Meanwhile, Tyrion Lannister and his new protector/sellsword are traipsing through the Vale when they happen upon a host of wildmen. The wildmen want to kill the “half-man” but in his usual flare, Tyrion sweet talks his way to freedom, promising them swords, armor and the power to rule over their oppressors in the Vale. When they arrive at Tywin Lannister’s war camp, Tywin promises to pay Tyrion’s debt to the wildmen, and then some, but only if they agree to help him attack the host of Northmen Robb Stark is leading south. The wildmen tell Tywin they’d be happy to help him out, but only if the Half-man fights beside them in the battle. Do they even make Tyrion-sized armor?

Up North

When Robb Stark receives the letter from his sister Sansa, learning that their father has been imprisoned as a traitor, he calls his father’s bannermen to back him on the march to King’s Landing. He has no intention, however, of bending the knee to King Joffrey. No sir, he’s going to attack the Lannisters and get his father back if it kills every man brave enough to follow him. Leaving his crippled brother Bran in charge of Winterfell, Robb and his prisoner/friend Theon Greyjoy rally the bannermen to join them in attacking the Lannisters.

Reunited with his mother Catelyn in the field, Catelyn is astonished at how grown up her son is, playing warleader with his father’s men, but there’s nothing she can do but support him.

A Lannister spy is caught hovering at the edges of Robb’s encampment and counting men, but instead of executing the spy like a smart man would do, Robb exercises his noble honor (a trait he obviously got from his imprisoned father,) and sets the man free, telling him to return to Tywin Lannister and tell him, “Winter is coming!”

The Dothraki

Dani finds herself standing in the aftermath of a Dothraki raid on the sheep people a few tribes over. Beside Jorah, she watches the men rape and abuse the female survivors and begs Jorah to make them stop. Taking the enslaved women under her protection, she marches back to Khal Drogo and begs him to stop the violence.

Drogo tells her it has always been this way, but with her big blue eyes and fierce spirit, she manages to convince him to stop the Dothraki from raping all the women. Furious, one of the tribesman calls Drogo a coward and a weak Khal, so Drogo decides to crush the guy’s throat and rip out his tongue. During the foray, Drogo is sliced across the chest by the other man’s weapon, and Dani is worried about the wound. She begs Drogo to let the sheep healer woman tend to him, and though he refuses at first, he humors her when she tells him, “Your pain makes me cry.”

No good can come of this. I feel it in my bones!

Things We Learned

• You can avoid death with the words, “Not today, Death!”
• Trust no one… ever! Especially eunuchs.
• Always burn dead bodies from beyond the Wall. ALWAYS!
• When you breastfeed your ten-year-old son, it’s just weird.
• Lannisters ALWAYS pay their debts (in case you forgot).
• Khal Drogo rips out tongues and eats them for lunch, so watch you don’t wag yours and upset his wife!

Ep.8 – Recap

Episode Eight Full Cast of Characters

Jaime Lannister: Brother/lover of Queen Cersei Lannister-Baratheon, commander of the White Cloaks.

Tywin Lannister: Father of Queen Cersei, Jaime and Tyrion Lannister, lord of Casterly Rock. Skins a mean deer.

Catelyn Stark: Wife of Ned Stark, Lady of Winterfell.

Lysa Arryn: Lady of the Vale, sister of Catelyn Stark and mother to Robin Arryn, Lord of the Vale.

Tyrion Lannister: aka The Imp. Tyrion is a dwarf and is the youngest son of Tywin Lannister and brother to Cersei and Jaime.

Eddard Stark: aka Ned Stark, The Hand of The King and The Lord of Winterfell, named protector of the realm while King Robert is on his death bed, currently imprisoned for being a traitor.

Sansa Stark: Eldest daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark, betrothed to King Joffery.

Arya Stark: Youngest daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark, learning to fight with swords and chase cats.

Syrio Forrell: Braavosi sword dancer, teacher of Arya Stark.

Robb Stark: Ned and Catelyn Stark’s eldest son, acting Lord of Winterfell while his father is away.

Theon Greyjoy: Ward/prisoner of Winterfell, hangs out with Robb Stark a lot.

Cersei Lannister Baratheon: Queen of Westeros, was married to King Robert Baratheon before his death, and known for having sex with her twin brother Jaime Lannister.

King Joffrey: Eldest son of Cersei Lannister and Robert Baratheon, Secedes to the throne upon his father’s death.

Ser Baristan Selmy: Former leader of the King’s Guard/White Cloaks, dismissed by King Joffrey for being too old.

Petyr Baelish: aka Littlefinger, financial adviser to the realm, whorehouse owner, in love with Eddard Stark’s wife Catelyn.

Varys: aka The Spider, spies on the entire realm and sows seeds of dissension and distrust everywhere he walks.

Jon Snow: Man of the Night’s Watch, bastard son of Ned Stark, steward to Night’s Watch Lord Commander Mormont.

Samwell Tarly: Man of the Night’s Watch, nicknamed Piggy because he’s overweight and soft, steward to Maester Aemon

Maester Aemon: Blind maester of the Night’s Watch.

Lord Commander Mormont: Also known as The Old Bear, Mormont is the commander of the Night’s Watch and father of Ser Jorah Mormont.

Ser Allister Thorne: Master of Arms for the Night’s Watch. Doesn’t like Jon Snow.

Daenerys Targaryen: The last dragon, Khaleesi of the Dothraki, married to Khal Drogo, younger sister of Viserys Targaryen.

Ser Jorah Mormont: Exiled knight traveling with the Dothraki and secretly spying on the Targaryen children to send word back to King Robert.

Khal Drogo: Lord of the Dothraki, husband of Daenerys Targaryen, known for his sexy guyliner.